Here you will find articles written by Domina Liza: an insight into various aspects of BDSM and fetishism which draw on her experience from all areas of her profession and are intended to give you, the reader, an insight into the many different sides of femdom, BDSM and fetishism from her own personal perspective.
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In it for the Money?
Today I am going to address a subject that has been on the receiving end of quite a lot of attention lately - money and gifts. I will do this with a discursive approach formed from my own experience.
Looking through many of the forums, sites, listing sites etc related to professional domination, one will invariably find a plethora of ‘financial domination’ and ‘wishlists’. The protagonists will range from young ladies in their early twenties sticking a middle finger up to the camera and demanding money from ‘worthless losers’, to dominatrix who offer a sideline in financial control, to ladies who simply enjoy being spoiled. There are many others of all ages, kinks and preferences, but you get the point.
So why the scrutiny? Well for some ‘purists’ of the ‘scene’, pro domming can be seen as avaricious in its nature, the greedy lady taking money from the poor witless male to perform an activity which if she really enjoyed she would do for free – that’s another blog right there… But the crux of the matter is, if you look at it in black and white, financial domination (taking control of an individual via their finances) demanding money (simply taking funds for no return of services), and having a list of preferred gifts can seem selfish, rude and greedy. Often people see these practices as tarring the good name of professional domination.
As always, the coin has more than one side, and everyone is entitled to an opinion. To begin, we can say that yes, in the multitude of people offering these activities, there will be some who genuinely could not care less about their clientele and are only bothered about filling their bank accounts and wardrobes. Such is life, and I am sure that these ladies are more than apparent to prospective clients (who may want such an interaction) Which leads me on to my next point – it takes two to tango. Something so popular simply must have a foundation, or it could not exist as it currently does.
Now lets shift the focus from the ladies accepting cash and gifts to those providing them. People are often heard to say how ridiculous that a client (male or female) would be silly enough to throw his or her hard earned money at someone in this way. Well, some may also say that a client is silly to allow a dominatrix to beat him black and blue, take his anal virginity, or push electric sounds down his penis. Compared alongside other BDSM activities you can see that ‘findom’ as it is often known, is often a fetish or kink in its own right. Some like to be humiliated about the size of their sexual organs, or made to perform a degrading act, some like to be humiliated buy handing over money and getting very little in return. Also, do consider another option – a person may simply wish to give a gift to someone he admires and adores. If he is in another country, or it is impossible to meet, how can they do this? The recipient therefore provides a means for him to send his offering.
Leading me on to another factor - dealing with this fetish group just like any other requires time and resources on behalf of the domme. How? As I have said before, in a session, I have my initial applications and my research but I also have a physical body to read and react to. I can sense things, feel things, read body language and physical reactions. As findom is more often than not performed online, often all you have read (literally) is visible text. (or as some prefer, webcam) This physical detatchment means you have to ascertain what the person wants, needs, and is capable of without an actual body to read. There is a knife edge to be walked here, as with any interaction in the world of femdom, the parameters can be so specific, and one wrong move can result in a poor experience for either party. What else? Websites, marketing, time (an expensive resource when demand is high) and so on – most dommes don’t have secretaries!
Also, do consider that a ‘findom’ exchange may not be about the dominatrix taking any extra money at all. In exchange for the usual fees for her time (and hopefully in a very trusting exchange) she may take control of the finances of the client, controlling how much he spends, when and how. This does not mean she drains his accounts, but controls him with it. This is only something that can be undertaken with a large amount of trust. Another option is for the domme to allow ‘spending money’ where by the client receives pocket money for spending on his own luxuries, but only when she allows it. This is (in my opinion) something to consider VERY carefully before commencing.
And on to Wishlists. The internet is FULL of them, I have one too! Because I am a greedy lady who can’t afford to by my own treats? Obviously not. Because people like to buy me things, and without a doubt I derive pleasure from receiving gifts which are to my taste - I unwrap them like a big kid! I had a wishlist a long time ago, but took it down, as I thought it appeared avaricious, but in the ensuing years I had so many people asking what I would like as a gift, or bringing gifts which I already had, or didn't want that I reinstated it (see ‘Spoil Me’) A nice example of this in effect is a small gift I received yesterday. It was simply some tea of a blend and brand that I prefer. While a small token, the person who purchased it for me knows that when I have my morning tea, I will often think of them. This is pleasant for both parties, especially if the person is abroad and may never meet me – they can still be ‘involved’ or ‘interact’ in this way, knowing that they have made me happy. (No, I am not saying that gifts are the only way to make someone happy, but it is the subject in hand...) Also for my regular clients, many of them love to arrive for their session and ask ‘did you receive your gift? I hope you liked it!!’ From tea to iPads, from perfume to riding boots, the gifts all bring a smile to my face, and I appreciate them – and that is the idea of giving a gift, isn’t it?
In summary, the femdom world has a host of people ready to take your money. Just like the vanilla world, these reasons can be crooked, genuine and poorly or well executed. As with anything you undertake, do it to the best of your ability, and think it through. Do enjoy the spontaneity that often comes with a ‘surprise purchase’ too – I know I do!
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